On May 11th, while at work I received a stressful phone call from my baby sister. Choc. China Doll was crying, stating that someone came to her house to get her mother. Our brother was shot and rushed to the hospital. After all the crying and confusion, my boss sent me home. After actually finding out what happened, my brother shot 7 times. He is still alive. He was known for selling drugs, probably in the wrong area. Hearing that the men who shot him, actually met to kill him made me feel guilty for not being able to help. My family is dysfunctional and really need more time to explain.
Basically, i felt guilty because I couldn't help. I have been living but not meeting my own expectations. I couldn't help my brother, so he found a way to help himself. Remember me telling you about my savior complex? I want to save the world. The guilt took over. I was talking to a co worker who had graciously talked me off a cliff. She was telling me all about self care. Oh how I need to do self care. We both agreed that i can't help anyone without helping myself. Self care is what I am focusing on. Worrying about me first. You have no idea how hard that this is. I need to focus on me and my son.
So come along the journey...
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