Making a difference

  I don't know if I am making a difference.  I just know I need to breathe. This is for me, seriously!  I want so much and everyone around want so much.  The thing is, well, I think I became a people pleaser. Wasn't intentional. I have a savior complex.  All I want to do is save the world or at least those who seem to be depending on me whatever reason. I am going to use my time on this blog for a place to reboot, rebuild, think over and at least get a little piece of mind.

Background to the reboot

 On May 11th, while at work I received a stressful phone call from my baby sister. Choc. China Doll was crying, stating that someone came to her house to get her mother. Our brother was shot and rushed to the hospital. After all the crying and  confusion, my boss sent me home. After actually finding out what happened, my brother shot 7 times. He is still alive. He was known for selling drugs, probably in the wrong area. Hearing that the men who shot him, actually met to kill him made me feel guilty for not being able to help. My family is dysfunctional and really need more time to explain.

Basically, i felt guilty because I couldn't help. I have been living but not meeting my own expectations. I couldn't help my brother, so he found a way to help himself. Remember me telling you about my savior complex? I want to save the world. The guilt took over. I was talking to a co worker who had graciously talked me off a cliff. She was telling me all about self care. Oh how I need to do self care.  We both agreed that i can't help anyone without helping myself. Self care is what I am focusing on. Worrying about me first. You have no idea how hard that this is. I need to focus on me and my son.

So come along the journey...

Power of Mt Dew

 

  My choice of drug is nice size bottle of Mt Dew. People use coffee and tea. Even alcohol and drugs.  My ode to Mt Dew. So may possibly be the reason why I am overweight. Or it could be stress and depression. But Mt Dew is an important part of my day. It is needed although unhealthy.

My story

    

  I  started this blog when I first started my journey as a single mother.  I like a challenge and while I was researching other single mothers, I found that single mothers didn't just settle. They didn't wait for their Prince to rescue them. They lived for themselves.  As my journey went on, I found that time has gotten a way and new challenges a rose.   I stopped writing here.  My son, My Prince Charming, was diagnosed with Autism and other things. Found King of Kings, Prince Charming's dad, who is incarcerated. Deciding a future with or without him because he is incarcerated majority of me and Prince's life. What I am giving up waiting for him.  Will we really be together when he get home? Raising my son by myself. Having a savior complex. Me wanting to save the world. Me being a dreamer wanting to be a realist. My mind needs to be declutter. I decided to reboot and bring the challenges to  flourishing.

Reinventing Myself

Stop writing on this blog 4 years ago.  If she can do it, Why can’t I? Has become a big part of me…A way to reinvent myself…To figure out who I am…Rebuild Mommy Fix It If she can do it, Why can’t I?’s mission statement is:TO show women, men, anyone who is raising children alone, that it is possible to make your lifestyle work for you, no matter what it is you want in life. Please do understand that I am honest and I am actually living this experience while writing.  I am sorry if you don’t like what I am writing… I want to share my TRUTH.   I am living everything I am writing.  Trust me.  It is OK to laugh at me.  I am not ashamed of anything I write.  This is me…real me.  This blog is going to help me gain the life that I want and help so many others.  I am not an expert but I will not post anything on here without finding accurate information.  I won't give it to you without the proof behind it.Please do laugh, when need to.  I am someone trying to go in business for myself.  I am living by my motto:  SHIT HAPPENS!!!My question is, what are you are going to do about it?  With that being said, you are welcome to come join me in my crusade to live a life that is considered the new normal…that is actually my normal.  I take constructive criticism, suggestions, ideas, etc.  Feel free to stop by and chat.  I like to talk.  Until then... The Crazy IdeaAs an adult, I started making goals for myself.  I realized I didn’t really know who I was.  I became an adult when I found myself pregnant at 19 yrs. old.  So I really don’t know who I am.    People keep telling me to cut the embillical cord.  I realize people were telling the truth.  I live my life for my son.  So since that is my truth, Let me figure out where I went wrong or right.  So I came up with this plan (Tamar Inc).  Every plan I have had in the past have failed.  I figured this would be a great time to reinvent myself.
 This Is Me!Well, I am an all over the place busy mommy-fix-it.  I really started out on the wrong side...to me anyway.  I became pregnant at 19, in my second year of college.  Not so bad! I thought that was my downward spiral.  I was lost!  Getting pregnant period was not a part of my plans.  So in 2006, in my second year at community college, pregnant, yet determined to not be a statistic.  My journey after that was basically becoming a statistic.  I was a black single mother of a little black boy who happened to be autistic and we were meant to fail by all standards.  I have been in college since I graduated high school in 2005 (yes it has been 14 years!!!).  I worked in retail for 2 years and I have climbed the medical entry level jobs for about 5 years while trying to provide for me and my child.  I quit my job in the nursing field to support my then 5 year old son ( who is autistic) with his education.  No money and dreams just falling apart.  Did I mention I live at home with my parents?  I didn’t.  Well, yeah I live at home with my parents and little brother with an autistic child. So for 14 years I have been trying to get a college degree in any medical career.  That was my plan, THE BIG PLAN.  Great for me…I am a little optimistic and I trying to be a realist.  You will get a taste for what I am working on along the journey.  So desperately ready to start my own PERSONAL story.  ENJOY!!! 

Starving But Not Full

I am hungry.  No, starving!!! I am a dreamer.  I have been trying to be a realist.  I have been trying to do so since June 2005.  Have so many dreams but not so many accomplishments.   Hell, got to start somewhere.  Funny how I always start over.  I have never been scared to start from the bottom but damn, when will I get a break.  I have even tried to create my own opportunities. Not losing my faith but I feel like I need to speak my mind because I am getting ready to make some changes. 

I am at a point in my life where I am just going to do what the “Nike” commercial says and just do it!!!  I am a single mother of a 12 year old son who is Highly Functioning Autistic.  I live at home with my parents, my little brother, and my son.  I have always felt tired and stressed with no where to go.  I know my potential and not enough time.  I have to get started.  Well start over.

I read a quote once that said “Don’t tell anyone your goals.”  I am going to share my journey because I believe in not traveling by myself.   As I am have not been traveling by myself.  Not just with my son but with women before me.  I always wondered if she can do it, why can’t I? 

Seriously!!! Why can’t I?