Making a difference

  I don't know if I am making a difference.  I just know I need to breathe. This is for me, seriously!  I want so much and everyone around want so much.  The thing is, well, I think I became a people pleaser. Wasn't intentional. I have a savior complex.  All I want to do is save the world or at least those who seem to be depending on me whatever reason. I am going to use my time on this blog for a place to reboot, rebuild, think over and at least get a little piece of mind.

Background to the reboot

 On May 11th, while at work I received a stressful phone call from my baby sister. Choc. China Doll was crying, stating that someone came to her house to get her mother. Our brother was shot and rushed to the hospital. After all the crying and  confusion, my boss sent me home. After actually finding out what happened, my brother shot 7 times. He is still alive. He was known for selling drugs, probably in the wrong area. Hearing that the men who shot him, actually met to kill him made me feel guilty for not being able to help. My family is dysfunctional and really need more time to explain.

Basically, i felt guilty because I couldn't help. I have been living but not meeting my own expectations. I couldn't help my brother, so he found a way to help himself. Remember me telling you about my savior complex? I want to save the world. The guilt took over. I was talking to a co worker who had graciously talked me off a cliff. She was telling me all about self care. Oh how I need to do self care.  We both agreed that i can't help anyone without helping myself. Self care is what I am focusing on. Worrying about me first. You have no idea how hard that this is. I need to focus on me and my son.

So come along the journey...

Power of Mt Dew

 

  My choice of drug is nice size bottle of Mt Dew. People use coffee and tea. Even alcohol and drugs.  My ode to Mt Dew. So may possibly be the reason why I am overweight. Or it could be stress and depression. But Mt Dew is an important part of my day. It is needed although unhealthy.

My story

    

  I  started this blog when I first started my journey as a single mother.  I like a challenge and while I was researching other single mothers, I found that single mothers didn't just settle. They didn't wait for their Prince to rescue them. They lived for themselves.  As my journey went on, I found that time has gotten a way and new challenges a rose.   I stopped writing here.  My son, My Prince Charming, was diagnosed with Autism and other things. Found King of Kings, Prince Charming's dad, who is incarcerated. Deciding a future with or without him because he is incarcerated majority of me and Prince's life. What I am giving up waiting for him.  Will we really be together when he get home? Raising my son by myself. Having a savior complex. Me wanting to save the world. Me being a dreamer wanting to be a realist. My mind needs to be declutter. I decided to reboot and bring the challenges to  flourishing.