Adjusting My Crown

 

I am working on this project.  It came to soon.  This is a project that I have been putting off for so long.  My son wanted his own room for his graduation present.  Well, I brought a house.  So I have been panicking and screaming and crying about that I will be officially broke each month after I pay the mortgage for the month.   

I have been trying to remind myself that I have to go through the process in order for me to feel at home.  I find myself listening to my mom who sometimes put me down.  She always find a way to say that my feelings is on me.  Interesting right.  Anyway,  I usually panic and then figure out my plan to the solution.  Now, I just realizing that yes I am going to be hungry but like mommy says I am going to be broke and in my own house.  

Like the image above, I am going to adjust my crown and get my day started for what it is worth.  I feel like that is how everyone around me thinks that I am superwoman.  I feel like I should just get to the point.  Buying this house was my sign that I needed some form of freedom.  

I think this is my motto for the year!  I am going to wear my crown.   I don't have or want a King.  I do have a prince that I love and cherish.  

Achievements

 2024 was a hard year. Towards the end of the year, Great news! I graduated college after 20 years in and out with an Associate's degree in Healthcare Studies. Wow, a degree can't use. Anyway...

The school year 2024 - 2025 was about my 'Why'. My 'Why' went into his senior. Teachers  tried him, which mean they tried me. My 'Why' struggled. He was done and ready to go. I was with him. However, when he walked down the aisle, I cried. I saw his future. I saw my future.

Starving 'Artist' is what I am right now. Too many challenges.  Way too many open projects. New projects waiting to happen. 

RISKS

I have question myself.  Actually there have been people who have made me feel...  I have to be honest, the person that I want to be or wanted to be.  I question my son often.  How did I do? My son tells me often that I had a great childhood.  I am pleased but I feel like I am not done.   This is why I question myself.  

At 38 years old, I feel like that I have not done anything with my life.  This is a continuous journey.  I don't take risk.  I fear everything.  I just brought house at the request of my son.  The last time I took a risk was 18 years ago.  I became his mother and he became reason why.  I find that so many people challenge me by saying snide remarks and making me feel less then.  Now I have a house, so now I have to take risks.

RISKS...I brought a house.  That was a risk that I have taken recently.  Now I fear I will be or my son will be come a starving artist.  

I keep setting these goals and not succeeding.  RISKS... as a reflection, I have made mistakes, I have been struggling, we have been struggling.  My son has had pain and loss.  He has experienced anxiety and defeat and so have I.

RISKS...